Why I hate Fan Fiction

A while back I had a conversation with a former co-worker that made me very irritated as a writer. I work at a computer repair facility, which is deep in "nerd culture'. Which is fine, I get some of it. The problem with many of my co-workers is that they are in a state of arrested development. I'm talking about people in their late 20s/ early 30s who still talk about Pokemon. Not to mention many of them are fresh out of high school and still have that maturity level. But I digress.

So we had a new girl employee that was working next to me. She was what you would imagine the stereotypical "nerdy-girl" to look like. Black rimmed glasses, a bit overweight; not traditionally attractive, but with a little effort she could be. We were making small talk as we worked, just kind of getting to know each other type stuff. Then she asked me something that I knew was going to be annoying. "So what is your geeky thing?"

Now this bothered me on several levels. First, I am not into the whole geek culture. It's not that I despise it, some elements of it I get. I enjoyed Star Wars too. I just don't talk about it for eight hours straight. I replied with a shrug and an "I don't know." I thought maybe that would end that line of questioning. At that point I just wanted to zone out on my work.

But no, she had to dig deeper. "You don't have any hobbies?"

Ah ha! So if you have a hobby, then it must be geeky or nerdy. Irritation number two. I decided to give he an answer, more because I didn't want to come off as the most boring person alive or be perceived as an asshole for not wanting to play along. "Well, I play music with some friends every now and then. I also write in my spare time."

There, I figured that would at least open some avenues for a decent discussion about music or books. She asked me what kind of stuff I wrote, but before I could reply she said something that made my blood boil. "Do you write like, fan fiction?"

Fan fiction? Really? I froze mid-type on a an email I was composing. I looked her dead in the eye and said. "No, I do not write that bullshit."

Of course, she gets on the defensive. 'Well, what's wrong with it?"

What is wrong with it? Very well, I'll explain. I'll tell you, dear reader, the same thing I told her. Fan fiction is the most pathetic form of writing there is. Not only does it show the inability to be original, but most if it is poorly written. Probably the best example of fan fiction run rampant is the abysmal Twilight series. I do not have the time or patience to go into detail on what was wrong with those books.

One of my favorite authors, George R.R. Martin, put it best. Fan fiction shows the lack of imagination by the writer in taking an established universe of characters without the consent of the original writer, and then making up your own story to go along with it. The fact that he tells his fans not to send him their fan fiction drives home that point.

Now, if you are a kid trying to develop some writing skills, sure some fan fiction may not be a bad thing to at least get you some practice before creating your own work. But for crying out loud, don't publish it. And if you have some fantasy where Spock and Captain Kirk bone each other, please keep it to yourself.

So, needless to say me and little miss fan fiction did not see eye to eye on this argument. But that's okay. If you want to read crap, by all means go ahead. That's not to say every piece I have wrote or will write will be amazing; but by God it will be original!