Take A Breath

It had been a rough day already. It had all began when my cellphone had died so my alarm didn’t go off.  I rushed to work half an hour late, to be greeted by an unpleased look from my boss. I explained the situation, but I was still informed I would be wrote up for being late. He gave me another reason as to why I could not wait to get out of that hellhole.

Resigning myself to my present fate, I took my seat at my cubicle. Another day of sitting on my but staring at a computer screen for eight hours. I logged into the computer, and plugged in my headphones into my phone, which I then began to charge. In a few moments I could at least have my music to make the day go faster. Then began the monotonous wait as computer part orders appeared on my screen.

My job at the present moment was to order parts for a major retail computer company. The customer’s computer came in, the computer technical would order a part, the order came to me, I checked it, and then copy-and-pasted it to an order for our parts department. Rinse, lather, repeat. And stare into the abyss and the abyss stared back at you.

The headphones served a double purpose. One, the music allowed for the time to go faster and to occupy my brain. Also it drowned out Brenda. Brenda worked in the cubicle next to me and just loved her job and her life. She also needed to let everyone within earshot know about it; how her kids were doing, what her dog did the night before, everything that nobody really cared about it. One thing that many of us had learned as well was that Brenda was a complete brown-noser and gossip. If you griped about management, somehow it made its way to someone’s ear. And she had to give her two cents on everyone’s personal life. Once a co-worker of ours had gotten pregnant by her boyfriend, and she needed to let everyone know how she felt about it. “Did you hear Mary got knocked up?”

“Yes, she told me. She seems pretty excited about it.”

“Well, I just don’t think that’s proper, you know. She’s got no one to blame but herself for all the trouble she’s going to have. I mean, what if her boyfriend decides he doesn’t want to be a dad?”

I gave my head a half-turn in her direction. “Well, first of all I think that is her choice and she is a smart enough person that she will be alright. Second of all, I don’t really see how that is any of your business what life choices she makes.”

She huffed and reddened a little. Her half-opened mouth reminded me of a fish out of water, gasping for breath. “I didn’t say she wasn’t. But in my day girls kept their legs closed until they got married.”

I rolled my eyes. “Brenda, do you want me to look up statistics on babies born out of wedlock by generation? Statistics actually show they are much lower, as many are using proper birth control. Back in your day, a lot of these girls were having to get illegal abortions because of social expectations. But again, I don’t see how that is any of your business. So why don’t we get back to work?” I then put my headphones back in and did a good job of ignoring her puffing for the rest of the day.

 Today I could hear Brenda yammering on about something again. I turned up the volume of my revived phone to drown her out. After a couple of attempts to get my attention, she finally gave up. I heard her mutter to someone else in the room about someone being in a bad mood, but I went with my first instinct and continued to ignore her.

The day progressed, and I worked through my lunch to make sure I didn’t lose my half-hour of pay. Of course even then my boss had to make a point of nagging at me about my productivity that day; while Brenda, who loved to cherry-pick the quick and easy orders was way ahead of everyone. I muttered something about how I’d try to step it up tomorrow and clocked out.

Even though the drive home was uneventful, the feeling of a rain cloud over my head wouldn’t leave me. It had been this way for a while. I hated my job and I hated my life. Realizing I was stuck in a nowhere job, I had went back to school to get my degree in education. Growing up with a love of history that was what I decided to try and do; become a history teacher. With the encouragement of my fiancé I had went for it.

Two years later and I was still stuck in the same dead end job. Fighting the urge to just up and quit was a regular struggle. When I got home, Erin greeted me at the door. She gave me a bright smile and asked, “So how was your day?”

“Miserable, as always.” I attempted a half-hearted smile.

“I know, babe. But, something will come up.” She gave me a hug and a kiss which made me feel a little better.

Then I rummaged through the stack of bills and began doing the mental math. Money again would be tight this month, that was a given. I fought back the hot stressful tears I knew were welling in my eyes. Instead I headed to the bedroom.

Changing into a t-shirt and shorts, I began lacing up my running shoes. Erin looked at me in the doorway. “I’m going to head to the park and do a quick run. I need to clear my head. Then how about we grab some food and a couple of beers?”

“Sounds like a date,” She said with a worried smile. “You want me to come with you?”

I shook my head. “I’d rather just go it alone today. I won’t be gone long. Maybe an hour.”

A few minutes later I was jogging along the walk path of our local park. It was within walking distance of our house, which was one of the things I loved about the location.  Children were at the playground, which made me nostalgic for when I was a child myself, back when I didn’t have a care in the world. The walk path made a circle four miles around the center of the park. The path was great of working out, as the hills made for a steady incline and decline. I got into my normal pattern of walking, jogging, running, and then rotating until I came around to the other side. I waved at cars and fellow joggers as they passed.

The whole time I was thinking about what to do from here. If something didn’t change soon, I didn’t know how we could make ends meet. Every day was a struggle, and each day I came closer to giving up. I concentrated on my breathing, and the pace I was running. Still, I wasn’t feeling any better.

I slowed down as I reached the bottom of the hill and the final stretch of the track. I walked towards a nearby park bench where an older man was sitting reading. I nodded to him as I took a seat at the other end of the bench, swigging from the water bottle I carried with me. I had left my phone at the house as the battery charged, something else I was going to have to spend money on, and was listening to my old MP3 player.  I needed to catch my breath and rest myself a little before heading home. A side effect of that being my mind began to fill with the same worries again. I hung my head and thought. I tried to focus on the music, but the thoughts kept lingering.

There was a soft tap on my shoulder. I looked up at the man that was sitting next to me. I pulled out one of my headphones to hear him. “I’m sorry to bother you. But do you have a minute?”

I thought for a second and then nodded. A quick conversation would give me a little more time to recharge myself anyways. “Sure, go ahead.”

He held up the book he had been reading. “Have you ever heard of the Secret?”

I raised an eyebrow and nodded. “Yeah, I think so. Isn’t something about positive energy will get you whatever you want?”

The older man nodded and laughed. “A lot of wish fulfillment mumbo jumbo, you ask me. My grandson read it and told me it was life changing. I guess I see the appeal, but It’s a waste of time the way I see it. What do you think?”

“I don’t know,” I said shrugging. “Way my life is going some positive thinking may not be a bad idea. Might be worth a shot.”

“Well, let me tell you a story if you got the time. I’ve never been what you call a rich man, but I’ve been a happy man. Having a positive attitude and outlook on life will get you far. Being content with what you got will get you far. But you got to find your happiness, and what you need to get it.”

I could feel my frustration growing again, but I also knew this guy wasn’t meaning any harm. “Yeah, but when everything is going wrong it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve been stuck at the same dead end job and wasted two years on a degree that is not helping me at all. I’m getting married and I don’t know how we’ll make ends meet.”

The old man nodded as he took in what I said. “Believe me I know what you’re talking about. Took me a lot of job searches before I found my passion. I hated corporate America, and I wanted to do something better. I started working for a guy doing landscaping, and found I loved it. Designing and putting together people’s properties in a way that brought pleasure to their eyes. It became something I was really good at. Then I discovered I had a mind for business, and my boss saw promise in me and gave me the business when he retired. But it took a lot of patience. Now, I know that this is going to sound like a stupid question, but have you been looking for that dream job?”

“Yeah, I’ve put in I don’t know how many applications and have a few interviews. Nothing has come up yet. It’s feeling kind of hopeless.”

The old man patted me on the shoulder. He subtly wiped the sweat from my shoulder on his trouser leg. “Well, you just got to persevere. Like they always say, it is always darkest before the dawn. I don’t want to take up too much more of your time, but let me give you a bit of advice that always helps me through the tough times. As you head home, think of all the things you are grateful for. By the time you get home, you’ll see you are more blessed than you realized.”

With that he got up, grabbed his book and went on his way. I sat for a long moment more, thinking about what he said. Then I began making my way home. As I walked, I figured it would be worth trying so I began listing my blessings. My family, my fiancé, my friends, my dogs; I kept going until I got home.

By the time I made it to the house I was actually feeling a little better. Maybe that old man was right. I was just going through a rough patch, but I had a lot of good things going for me. I could make it through a while longer.

Erin and the dogs greeted me at the door. She was a little shocked to see me smiling. “What has you in such a good mood? Is Mr. Grumpy gone for today?”

I laughed. “Maybe. I got some good advice from someone I meet in the park. Put some things in perspective.” I then noticed she was bouncing from foot to foot with a grin on her face. I knew what that meant. “So what do you need to tell me?”

She picked up my phone. It showed I had missed a call from Parkland High School. “Listen to the voicemail.”

I swallowed hard and put my voicemail on speaker. “This is Mr. Crawford at Parkland with a message for Paul Hanson. I’m calling to inform you that we decided to offer you a U.S. history teaching position for this coming school year. Please call me as soon as possible so that we can confirm and find a time for you to come in and sign your paperwork. Welcome to the team.”

I immediately hit redial on the phone. I just caught Crawford before he left of the day. We made an appointment for the next day for me to come in and sign my paperwork. I barely remember thanking him as I hung up the phone. Erin about squeezed the life out of me in her excitement. “So when are you going to tell Brett to shove it? I wish I could be there?”

I laughed. “I may not use those exact words. But I will be looking forward to putting in my resignation.”

We went out and celebrated my new job, and I felt the best I had felt in a long time. Erin could tell, and asked me how I was feeling. I thought back my conversation at the park. I smiled at her as I took a drink from my beer. “Grateful.”